Do not go to Milton Keynes. As far as you can steer clear. Avoid it with all the tenacity and ingenuity you have at your disposable. But if you find it impossible to avoid a visit to this dreadful drive-through city, you can do no better than to lunch at the charming Bogota Coffee Company.
The other week I found myself stuck in this monstrous made-up metropole and I will not shy away from confiding in you that it had a significant and deleterious effect on my soul. I am still undecided which Keynes I despise more, John Maynard or Milton. But my distaste for deficit spending and central banks aside, I can assure you that entering the realm of M.K. was like staring upon the vast, bleak, godless face of the modern world without respite.
As such, I was in need of a good buckaroo. Cedric, the chap to turn in these situations, was happy to suggest an excellent establishment for such purposes: the Bogota Coffee Company. Bogota, as you well know dear reader, is the capital of Colombia, but much to my surprise there was a distinct lack of cocaine. In actual fact what I found was a charming café, with friendly staff and free wifi.
I ordered a pot of tea and a pastrami, mustard and cheese sandwich. I feel that Cedric probably expects me at this point to discuss the food in greater detail. Unfortunately, I believe I am constitutionally incapable of describing food. Of course, you would think this was a prerequisite for a food reviewer, and no doubt you would be right. But having tasted the food, digested it, and followed the usual concluding procedures, I find myself unable to apply adequate adjectives to the experience. All I can say is that it was very nice. The milk came in a small glass replicating old-fashioned milk bottles, which was a pleasant surprise.
I suppose every putrefying place must have its saving grace. No doubt within the bustling and heaving streets of decadent Babylon there was a Bogota café. A piece of calm in a world fleeing internal repose.
Have you ever been so angry, so bilious with ire that the only way to console you is cooking? I didn’t think such a state of perfect puerile vexation existed until Wednesday last. That was when I made this phenomenal Ragù. It tasted quite phenomenal, so terrific in fact that I felt the need to share it with you, loyal readers, so that you might delight in its calming properties.
Ingredients
6 porc sausages (I used Neapolitan chilli sausages from A Di Maria)
200g mushrooms chopped finely
4 carrots, peeled and chopped finely
3 celery sticks chopped finely
one finely chopped onion
2 garlic cloves (chopped… wait for it… finely!)
500ml excellent quality passata
salt and pepper to taste
500g pasta of your choice (I used gnocchi)
Grated pecorino Romano
The first and most off-putting thing you must do is peel off the skin from the saucies. You’ll want to tear them into little pieces with your bare hands. Then combine the mushrooms; carrots; celery; onion and garlic in a pan with some olive oil. Cook them until the onions are translucent.
At this point, add the saucies. Fry them in the same pan for a few minutes. Add some white wine here, if you so desire. Whichever way the pendulum of your fickle taste buds swings, now is the time to add the passata. Season the passataed dish with salt and pepper. Cover for about 20 minutes on low heat.
In this trying time, you may want to do the washing up. I find these moments of waiting for food to cook are excellent for tidying. Watching The Good Place on Netflix, I was tremendously moved by Janet expostulating “These humans are on earth for 80 years and they spend most of their time waiting for things!” Not me!
Boil your pasta for however long the packaging says you should. Drain it once it is done.
Combine the drained pasta and some of the sauce. You will have more than enough sauce for about 1.5kg of pasta. Don’t throw it all into 500g or you will open yourself to the caustic ‘would you like some pasta with your sauce?’ question. There is nothing more heinous than comportment which facilitates such a remark.
Sprinkle your magical pecorino over the top of the dish and serve piping hot. Prepare to see waves of self-actualisation pouring over your guests as they feast on this revelatory dish. I like to think that no good can come of acts motivated by anger, but this day I was proven wrong.
How now, what luck that I should be able to bully St Nick out of his routine Friday luncheon restaurant. Once he accepted that we simply could not go to Coffee Tales for yet another all day breakfast, the real fun began.
Just two doors down from Coffee Tales is a true hidden gem. 24 Carat Bistro is a Anglo-Caribbean restaurant. To be clear, they do not offer a ghastly fusion of English and Caribbean food. Au contraire, they offer both or neither, depending on your desires.
Our starter for ten were the jerk chicken wings. For me they were quite lovely. They were not the star of the show but provided an excellent flexing of 24 Carat Bistro’s culinary muscles. Nonetheless, they were thoroughly enjoyable and the sauce tasted phenomenal.
Curry goat & rice
A West Indian favourite with generous chunks of tender goat meat infused with garlic, peppers & onions, together with a few secret ingredients.
That being said, the real showstoppers were the mains. I ordered the curry goat and rice. What a rare treat! The last time I had goat was in the middle of Selous Safari Park in Tanzania. I remember it arriving seated upright on the back of a motorbike. Then, they killed it right in front of me! This curry was a close second in terms of flavour. Excellent throughout.
Braised Oxtail
Juicy oxtail pieces slowly cooked with thyme, our secret herb blend, and garlic. And simmered till it’s literally falling off the bone delicious!
Nick, in his infinite wisdom, opted for the braised oxtail. This was a showstopper if ever I saw one. Truly stupendous, it burst with more flavours than this humble reviewer can describe. The dish, as well as the dumplings which accompanied it, were a force with which to be reckoned.
Dessert, too, was a spectacle. The victoria sponge rolly polly with jam and custard transported me right back to year 4. I was new to England and amazed at the peculiar dishes which the British considered food. I grew accustomed to the soggy mess of a dessert and in the end was quite fond of it. I had not eaten this for almost ten years. But goodness me was I glad to tuck in once more.
A few closing remarks ought to be made. This fits the bill for my most excellent restaurant guide. 24 Carat Bistro is family-run. It is secluded and has fewer than 15 tables. Ergo, it fits all my criteria for a sterling eatery. The service is unquestionably brilliant. We were treated like cherished friends throughout the six hours we stayed. That is deeply important in any eatery.
If you need waking up but also feel a little feline and feminine, ask for a Rum coffee. Their selection of excellent rums is striking. Combining this with a coffee made for a delightful cherry on top of the impressive cake that is 24 Carat Bistro. I recommend it most thoroughly.
Graham Greene is regarded as one of the finest writers in the 20th Century. His archetypal ‘Catholic novel’ made unfathomable contributions to the furthering of literature. This novel, suggested to me by Professor John McEldowney (who kindly assented to record an assessed podcast on Fox Hunting), moved me greatly.
We were privileged greatly to be able to record this podcast in St Mary’s Catholic Church in Harborne, a portentous location given the thrust of this novel.
Louise Griffiths; St Nicholas Jenkins and Steve Bavington join me for this momentous podcast. It contains major spoilers. If you wish to understand the book free from our perceptible influence, don’t listen to this podcast until after you’ve finished the book.
As I said in the podcast, there is something for everyone in this novel. The Power and the Glory is of universal importance and more relevant now than ever before. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did.
Special thanks go to my cousin, Thomas, at White Noise Studios, who mastered the file for me, augmenting the quality of this podcast inestimably.
As you know, this blog is not primarily for film reviews. Hence I cannot compete with Empire or Film Daily in terms of depth, but I can give you my personal highlights. These may grant you an additional insight into the film, without informing you whatsoever about its place in the cinematographic plane.This is a sacrifice I am willing to make.
Instant Family didn’t just exceed my low expectations; it obliterated them. It’s the kind of honest, human comedy that’s so rare from Hollywood these days that when one finally comes along, you sit there in the theater in slack-jawed amazement and wonder: How does a movie like this happen? ScreenCrush
When my friend Colin invited me to the preview of this much anticipated film, I must say I had reservations. Indeed, these are still pervasive as I look back with the luxury of retrospect. Plot-wise the film is predictable. You can predict the entire plot line from the first interaction in the opening cutscene. What struck me was the subtle musical warning denoting difficult scenes. At the start of each ‘tear-jerking’ scene, apt music streams out. Another point is that each of these said scenes are peppered with comedic moments, without which they would be totally devastating. This is another thoughtful point in the director’s favour. Also not to be missed is the inclusion of Julie Haggerty and Margo Martindale as mothers in law, the former being the firm favourite in Airplane!
That being said, there were many points in its favour, distinguishing it from the monotonous and facile Hollywood comedy which one expects to see. The overarching and most pressing of these points is Instant Family’s importance. Gustavo Quiroz jr; Julianna Gamiz and Isabela Moner play a role in the film as actors, and fine ones at that. But the impact that their emotive, gritty performances permeates the boundaries of a powerful plot.
Ultimately the movie champions unconditional familial love and perseverance and argues that kids coming from extremely difficult circumstances are still kids who deserve love and a chance to flourish. Common Sense Media
What Instant Family achieves is a true overview of the fostering system in the US. This insight is shown with the greatest of care and compassion. Director Sean Anders does not hide a painful truth behind comedy, he uses comedy in places to highlight a shockingly overburdened system. Equally, he shows what can be done to alleviate it, and the great successes that foster families can have, as well as the momentous difficulties they have in achieving said success. I recommend this film heartily.
Once you’re all over the simple yet majestic rhyme in the headline, allow me to command your attention for a moment. Raphael’s is another restaurant that I had the joy of attending some time ago but failed to blog about. For whatever vapid reason, I did not write about this spectacular Greek. But now, I shall remedy my heinous wrong by providing some insight into the plethora of perfection which awaits you within.
Louise and I had just attended Mass. Now generally, a replenished spirit does not often translate into a full stomach. Starved and impatient, we elected to eat in Sutton Coldfield, a mere 20 minute drive from Harborne. The benefit of Raphael’s, in addition to the astounding quality and flavour of the food, is that it is situated practically in Erdington, making it much easier to access than Sutton proper.
The above picture is the halloumi we ordered as a starter. I fid it hard to believe that a person can go through life and not experience this miraculous cheese. Raphaels’ halloumi was delightful and just the right amount of nosh to stave off our hunger.
The real Greek sandwich! Fluffy pitta bread filled with your choice of chargrilled meat or filling with Greek coleslaw, fresh parsley, red onions, tomatoes and creamy tzatziki served with our amazing chips.
Next came my chicken souvlakia kebab. This was cooked in a white wine & oregano marinade. I love nothing more than unpretentious presentation. The chicken kebab is the epitome of subtle brilliance. Behind this facile presentation lay a formidable kebab. Flavours abounded from all places, making it an utterly filling and delightful dish.
Chargrilled pork with caramelised red onions in a red wine, oregano & garlic marinade.
Louise’s pork souvlaki was arresting in its brilliance. I’m seldom jealous of other people’s dinner choices. I am often the one to pick the best dish. But Louise, in her plentiful wisdom, defeated me. The pork kebab was almost too delicious.
Last time I was here, I ate the falafel wrap which was masterfully tasty. In all I am as impressed with Raphael’s as ever. This is a quality and great value eatery which will provide you with a full stomach for the rest of the day. Next time you’re hungry in or for Sutton Coldfield, do not hesitate to visit Raphael’s!
